the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
