I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
