he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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