i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
