everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
