ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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