The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
