So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
