trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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