so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
