this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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