So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I still have a little drunk in my system
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Randomize
