hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
