You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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