We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
