Im at strip club and am horny
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
