I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
i can't believe i had my finger in that
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
