im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
