im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Randomize
