Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
We had to coat check the pizza.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
