I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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