I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
