He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
