We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
