And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
