my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
It's official drugs can't kill me
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Randomize
