Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
