my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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