I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
