you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
our cab driver is having phone sex.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
i dont even know how to be here
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
