I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
