I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
