rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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