Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
