and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
