I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
