you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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