You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
