Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I still have a little drunk in my system
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
