i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
