well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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