It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
