he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
