we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
