I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
