I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
