Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
My penis needs a shock collar
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
