I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
did i just pee glitter
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
