You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Randomize
