If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Randomize
