I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
i drank out of a bidet.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
